Fun With Headlines

In this segment, I take headlines from around the country and translate them to provide accuracy.

Brown declares war on gun crime

Should read:

PM Gordon Brown wants to kick Blair in the nertz for banning guns in his country

Orange Sheriff's Office buys 14 elephant guns

Should read:

We really don't know what these guns are, but they're big, black and scary

Giuliani Defends Right to Bear Arms

Should read:

Giuliani, realizing he has an (R) after his name, hastily backpedals from his normal view on guns

Police take up assault weapons; some fear an arms race

Should read:

Police modernize their inventory, PSH ensues

Senate blocks effort to share gun information

Should read:

One Senator wants to know how we're gonna pay for all this

Man Sentenced In Arsenal Case

Should read:

Prior felon breaks law, goes back to jail